Just words

Whenever I am fortunate enough to make the time to sit and write my mind is naturally blank. Every single time. Even when I come here with an actual purpose or idea, by the time the browser is opened and I'm ready to go, the words have gone. Then all I can think of writing is, as I sit here staring at the blank screen... Which would be fine if I hadn't already used that as an opening line on the book that will probably never be published on account of the fact I will probably never get around to actually finishing it.

All the sighs.

Anyways, I have a slight problem, and I don't just mean about the lack of words I can think of to write. I have this other problem as well. Ok I have lots of other problems but there is one in particular that is causing me great angst at the moment. And is quite possibly the reason why I have this innate inability to write right now.

A very large part of me knows that if I were to share my burden then I would more than likely be able to find some resolve, but the thing is I am scared to say it out loud. I am scared to release it from my inner being because that would make it real and I am not sure I want to make it real. I am not sure that I can cope with the reality of my feelings.

So much sighing and deep breathing.

The other day I wrote a post here, full of nothing really. A release of my tension and anger at the time. It felt good. Writing has always been my release valve. My sense maker.